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Confliction

So often when I feel immersed and flooded in poignant emotion, is when I get the overwhelming urge to purge this pain on paper. I call it pain, but it softly lulls and has an air of catharsis cradling it, uncovering and metamorphosing me into yet another form. I’m constantly shifting, flitting and fluttering between has-beens and momentary skips into bliss. Do I miss you, still? I’m just so confused. I began this script in an attempt to control, grasp and bottle how I feel, but the thing is, I can’t tailor what I feel. Currently what it seems is that I’m trying to steal myself from the reality, that I’m not sure if this still hurts, works or where it’s going. Are we still glowing? There’s just no way of knowing. Do I keep going, as I felt so compelled today? To travel cross country to say the usual things I say. To say that I love you, how hard it was to let go, ending with - do you still want me, surely you should know? I don’t, though. That’s the issue. I’ll cry, I need a tissue, but are these tears real or just the upmost confusion. Do I still love you, or is this total delusion? Are you truly compatible with this heart within me? Do you yearn to be free and see the world I see? Or are you scared, and lost - also, just like me. Are we clinging on to a dysfunctional love that still, and will always, run deeply.


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