Muted

I can't fight, I can't hear, and I cannot see; me getting closer to who I must be. I'm hurting myself, and in turn, hurting you; I'm burning the bridges to watch them fall through... and I'm calling to you, through the smoke of my fire, you're choking; you can't even see my heart's desire. That you are my passion, but I've too much pride, and part of that is you don't coincide; - with my demands to be as free as a bird, to go back to feel what I felt I deserved. But why does it feel all is leaving me, while my rags turn to riches, what's the 'more' that I need? I battle with great restlessness - am I just too obnoxious? To believe in the unorthodox more than the obvious. The oblivious life we believe we must lead. Why can't that simply be enough for me? And as I retract to more normal and neutral ways, why do I only think back to my more unstable days? Looking back with great lustre just to cherish the odd... am I perverse, am I stupid, am simply obscene? Are these the moments that I shouldn't glean?! So why on reflection did I feel my better self? And why must I obsess and ruin the wealth; the luck and the love - he who stands by my side. Who showers me with love but doesn't REACH me inside. I enjoy, then expect, then I want even more, with a need to repel then feel empty once more. So there we have it, who's really at fault? Who's the one who locked their heart in this vault? I hide from the world I once welcomed in, I shoot myself down before I begin... Why can't I nurture the things that I start, why don't I indulge in my love for music and art? Cause if it's not for you, it's only for me. Just to hear my heart speak, so close and so real; to truly be free in what I really feel. I’m bound by the chains I attached to myself, then blame the ones who only reclaimed my health! In a scenario that simply doesn't need fixing, just a fixated mind caught up on repeating; replaying the past yet restricting my heart, changing myself with the changing of ways, degrading myself to these groundhog days.