I feel my heart in a clamber as it shuffles to the fumbling of my anxious fingers, twisting my unease and winding it around tips of my tilting mind. One second I'm fine, the next I just can't define it... a pang of sadness mixed with a familiar fluttering in my chest. I watched the night in the depths of my palpable sorrow, as my heart expanded with glowing assurance then evaporated with my burdened breath.

Like a gas lamp flickering with the ignition of light,

Like fireflies flitting through the warm navy night,

Flashing in temperamental hues,

My heart expanded again - before constricting too soon.

It's hurting, she misses him.

And he knows it too.

And in that moment they danced on an ethereal plane,

Twirling, exalting, like violet and blue flame,

For up here there is no more disdain.

Just love.

For the first time in forever I felt his presence,

But then once again I felt his pain...

And in the flash of that moment, eternity did fly,

Spiralling me back inside to the confines of my mind;

Lights off, returned to this darkened room,

For a moment I knew that he loved me too...

Before my heart dimmed and my breath did resume.

Looking out over an uncertain lagoon,

Shadow-cast by the glow of the moon.

My depression descended and twirled like the red leaves swirling in the tepid turquoise waters of Kyoto. I fought back a tear, bit my lip as I began to well up in the most destructive sadness I had ever yet to feel.

What a mess; I solemnly thought as I sifted through the scenery, unable to enjoy the bliss it showered lightly on me.

The trees they silently swooned and stretched above, like a canopy of safety and shelter -

But even they couldn't embrace me how I so desperately needed.

I looked at him but he wouldn't meet my gaze...

He was looking for anything but me in my somber daze.

He wished for me to snap out of it,

Snapping at me like the brittle twigs beneath our tired soles.

Dead to me; and I was dead to him.

I needed him now but his patience wore thin.

And the harder I'd grasp, the harder he'd push me away.

Did he really not know he was killing me this way?

If I could surmise my sorrow and sadness,

I find it to be diluted down to an unsatisfactory gladness.

Sometimes I feel like the unluckiest contender,

A loser in love but still a constant defender.

As I have known the blessing of a love so gentle,

That for me it was my light, my shrine and my temple.

But it's temperamental nature meant from such highs I did plummet,

To find now I fear love from the vast fall from my summit.

That mountainous scope is now but a rocky view,

I can't see a way back up now I'm battered and blue.

Maybe I was just lucky to ever catch such a view,

To meet the ecstasy of love but have to come down too soon.

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